Thursday, August 31, 2006

it was forced on me in the suddenness
of an impulsive glance
your opinion of the "likes" of me.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

she walks down the open road
only the road behind her and her feet bare,
her forhead smeared
with subconscious dribbles of stranger thoughts
and just so she passes by,
unaffected by unknown vibes,goes a distance
turns with the same unbroken expression,
catches a hint of a smile
and then catches my eye
the frowns make way for the moment
and a loving smile says goodbye

Thursday, August 03, 2006

behind the camaraderie and the sweet talk stays a bastard child called hate that no one wants to call her own

Friday, July 21, 2006

the place does something to you for a very long run..its like ,im cured of all bullshit that waits for me in the city.what do i tell u more obut the place ...u already felt it...n maybe still do in ur veins.
like i was tellin a friend memory seems such a blessing coz it carries the chants n the flutter of the flags with it.....u know the flutter of flags felt like the hearbeat of the whole world made audible by the wind.
the vastness of the earth ,the sky n of ones own mind like kafka might have said "is the death of me".i lost myself there n i found myself there too.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

morality........or the sense of wrong and right that seems intuitive without any reasons is essentially conditioning and in itself has no value, for it promotes the system that gave birth to it.so in that sense a lot of it is born of convenience where social constructs and thoughts are much rather not confronted....the need for survival with its movement in time...its time sensitive..n what defines survival and what kind....thats another value loaded question!!!!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I always wondered why must everyone ask themselves-who am I. It seemed to lead to time sensitive answers to satisfy oneself -whatever ones desires be. But its only when it becomes this need, a purpose that cannot be put aside for another day, does one clearly see that its not a search for answers but a willingness to understand.

In confusion there’s this tendency to sort out the “I”, in despair and sheer loneliness. In this state of being- of uneasiness in ones skin one asks again, who am I, without any sort of care, seriousness or urgency-only desperation. And all that we’ve been told we are, the things we are loved for, the things we’ve been told make us unbearable, the ones that make us different ,precious, special and all that, is what we’ve been clinging on to.

That’s our relationship with each other - the expectations, the words, the expressions and the reactions. Sometimes the silence-at times awkward, or peevish, unsure or even easy. We look for ourselves in this relation-how we fit in or don’t .That’s how we formulate our definitions of ourselves. Sometimes the me is just a reaction to a bad relation. Or a semblance of a good one. A product of a thousand interactions which are a product of a million others.

Complicated-that’s what one becomes without an idea of the self. In keeping with our roles then we become liars. Even more complicated.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

that what i cant grasp
you know this flatmate of mine,shes 18,kept telling me how she loved this guy and all from school,whom she missed on the freak summer day it rained, just like she could have used some pakoda and tea. I dont blame her ,i have felt a little lonely myself on certain rainy says....as if the symptoms of emptiness choose such a fine day to brood over things.and over the conversation I happened to remark "this isn't love you know".so what is it?'"its infatuation".Two days later she comes and asks me what that inf...tion word was, n i told her.....so after yet another day she asked me what i thought love was.Well ,i did make that remark with such finality, anyone could've been tempted to ask that.And there was this attempt, where words were somehow to lead me to the meaning ,ironic!!!! but thats what i seem to be doing....trying to grasp meaning through words. It has worked you know....like verbalizing a thought process after a little stumbling and fumbling does lead to some kindda clarity.but this once Im really lost. so i try to look at a certain relationship, the only real reference i have , n then the words. n it feels so lame......any kind of "explanation" feels lame .And shouldn't it be extrodinary ..the definition...that should make one go wow!!!...again only words.The more i try to define it, the further lost i begin to feel coz i seem to be moving away from what it really is.so what is it really.huh!!I hate to admit this to myself .....our lives are devoid of this thing we try so desperately to grasp.Something tells me its far outta the reach of words.yet its only words that are trying to grasp .......it and i'm 99% words.