Friday, March 31, 2006

in a choice between order and disorder....the latter begins to grow on ya .theres this ease with which tolerance to mess can be developed ..n so we are a part of it...we lie around in it.....hot ,humid,sweaty ,dusty, yet it begins to feel comfortable.
so out of energy ,drained,purposeless- there i lie watching movie after another sensing the shadows in my platonic cave. A book's great company.

being completely into music feels like being in love with everything.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

I'm afraid there isn't enough time to lay down this vague sense of confusion i have about this place ,Bangalore. When i came here there was something amiss,something big. Bob Pirsig might call it a hole in my pattern. Of course it was.But that seemed a little superficial. There was something else i couldnt put my finger on. Nothing really convincing occured. Very unlikely for me.
First, no real connection with things around.For the first time i was on my own. Or rather it was better that way.And it still is sometimes.
Lot of ideas to dwell on and a lotta time.But thats not enough.you want to be" Heard". And you are confronted with certain facts that in your complacency never surfaced. A punch at a very wrong time.At first pride hurts,next humility overcomes.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

time slots:
i sometimes wish the day was a little longer than just 24 hours...... its like the end of the day is bringing you closer to some kindda finality..... taking you away from something you want to sustain ,for there's a reluctance to meet tomorrow. Tomorrow, the fears.........the heavy cynicism,.
Life lies in a time slot of 24 hours.or 3yrs 4 yrs or 10. Efforts,accomplishments.success, .......bullied by the race with time. "What am I".......

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

The here now never is."i need a cigarette", the moving pictures in front of my eyes,the words ,the look, the fear. "the mountains call me, i swear i'll make it there soon ".I just look at the phone... like just looking at it will make it ring.who do i look for at the other end. Another fantasy?!.
the baggage makes me heavy, i like to carry it around like possessions,they define the way i've begun to look ,the things i've begun to say.Influenced.....maybe, i have no way to tell..Theres freedom out there from constructs,of this mind ,from me?!.
Escape.